January 2011
43 posts
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Music Monday!
I decided to stick with the cover...
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Can't Have "Manslaughter" Without "Laughter"
Matt: Is it illegal to kill prostitutes?
Me: Well, they aren't real people, so I think it'd be more like slaughter.
Matt: Like animals.
Me: Exactly. Like a cow or a goat or something.
Matt: So it's just frowned upon.
Me: I think if you use the body parts for things, it's okay. Like, if you use the skin to make a coat or a rug or something, nobody will get upset, maybe.
Matt: That makes sense.
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“Life is like a canvas. You can look at a blank canvas and think, “This is...”
– Something I said to a friend during a Facebook chat.
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Ripening Tomatoes
I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time finding Rotten Tomatoes helpful for judging the quality of a movie. In some cases their opinions are accurate, but I find them way off most of the time. That is why I’ve decided to put together a little cheat sheet to help you adjust their rating to fit real movie watcher’s opinions.
Comedy: Add 15-30% depending on how long the...
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Made In New York
Walmart Cashier: Arizona Iced Tea...made in New York!
Customer: ...
Walmart Cashier: "New York City!?" Yes, it's true. Made in New York. Did you know that? It's made in New York?
Customer: Do you know all the fish in the pet section are dead?
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Crazy For Narcissism
Anna: Are you talking to yourself?
Me: You're just jealous because I'm getting all the attention.
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Vampire Weeknight
Me: I am retiring.
Matt: Really!?
Me: For the night.
Matt: So you're becoming a vampire then?
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187 In The 212 (Part 1)
Me: Matt, if you were to live in one of the major cities, how many people do you think you would kill?
Matt: Zero. I wouldn't kill anyone.
Me: Of sure you would. Everyone in major cities kill people. I think the average person kills two a year? I think that's what I heard.
Matt: I'm not that kind of person, D. I wouldn't kill anyone.
Me: Well, yeah, of course you aren't. I'm just saying, if you live in a major city, it's likely going to happen so--
Matt: No! No, it wouldn't. I wouldn't kill anyone. I don't kill people.
Me: --would you kill a cab driver? A hot dog vendor? If it were me, I'd--
Matt: It's murder.
Me: Well, I mean, not in major cities.
Matt: Yes it is. Everywhere. Murder is mur-der. I wouldn't--
Me: Ok, hypothetically--
Matt: Prostitutes. Definitely prostitutes.
Me: Well of course. That's a gimme. Prostitutes.
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Oh! The Places You'll Go!
I had a friend that needed some inspiration, so I helped out the best way I know how—with Dr. Seuss. Ever since a friend shared this with me, it’s been my go to poem.
Congratulations! Today is your day. You’re off to Great Places! You’re off and away!
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And...
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Sidewalk Chalk Art
Today someone posted a picture on their Tumblr of some sidewalk chalk art. The art was done by the incredible Julian Beever whom I have been a fan of for many years. I decided to share some of his work here with the masses. This is all done completely with chalk and gets washed away at first rain.
And the above from another angle so you can see how he has to do it for it to look right for the...
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Reality Realizations
A girl I went to highschool with has a blog over on Blogspot. I check in on it from time to time, but she has been MIA for the past few weeks. Recently she returned to the social network world and posted about where she had been. After reading it, I had my eyes opened by her experiences—experiences I was unaware of being part of her life. We have never been close, but to know that someone I...
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A Little Bit Of Captain In Ya
This is as cool as Captain America has ever looked and it’s about 30% cool. I’m all for superhero movies, but somewhere a line needs to be drawn. I’ve always considered the Captain to be one of the lamer superheroes and having Chris Evans play him doesn’t help. With the exception of his role in Scott Pilgrim Vs The World, I’ve never been a fan.
I believe it was the...
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Sometimes Moony On It's Always Sunny
Me: You made a good choice of going in the other room and talking on the phone.
Justin: Was it Danny DeVito?
Matt: It was Danny DeVito. And a midget. Well, I guess you could just say two midgets.
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One of the Miss America girls said this:
I think to be a young woman in 2011 means that you have to face a lot of challenges. Women have the challenge of balancing home, family, and now a days the economy. And recovering and making sure we state afloat. So I think it’s a great challenge to be a woman, but I take on the challenge with a lot of excitement.
Does that sound dumb to anyone...
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'Snot Working
Matt: I wonder what my body is trying to do with all this snot.
Me: Well, whatever it is, it's not going to accomplish it if you keep blowing it out.
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Slept Like A (30) Rock
Last night I had a dream I became a writer for 30 Rock and helped make it funny again, which is, of course, absurd because it’s never really been funny. I mean, ok, it’s funny in the way that you watch it and recognize it’s funny and are entertained, but it will never be the type of show to make, at least me, laugh out loud. I suppose what I’m trying to get at is, I could...
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*uck Finn
Just a quick thought as I lay here in bed reading Tumblr posts from my phone.
I was just reading a post someone had written about them taking the “N” word out of Huck Finn and I decided to state the fact that I don’t care. I had given up on the educational system long ago and I am neither surprised nor infuriated about this decision thanks to that abandonment. When I have kids,...
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Land Of The Free, Home Of The Drugless
Me: That sign reads "Drug Free Zone". I don't believe it.
Matt: Maybe it means this area is just currently free of drugs. And if someone with drugs came by, they'd have to take the sign down.
Me: Or, there's a sign on either side, so maybe it's like a speed limit and it means the area between those two signs are the drug free zone. The druggies have to stand outside of that small area between the signs.
Matt: Like a safe-haven for people trying to escape drugs! It's home base. Kind of like a drug-free embassy.
Me: Exactly. It's like the U.S. Embassy of Drugland.
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Paper Cut Rolls
Ok, but seriously? Who? How? These are amazing.
I wish I had this talent. I wish I knew someone that had this talent. I wish I knew this lady or even someone that looked like her so that I could say I knew someone that looked like a person who has this talent. Go check out the rest of her Paper Cut Rolls. They are all incredible.
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