I’m not that creative. I can be funny, but I don’t work well under pressure (sadly I don’t work at all without it). That is why, when people ask me why I don’t write a novel or create a TV show or something, I have to explain to them it would be a complete and utter failure. Listen, I’d love to create the next FRIENDS or Hitchhiker’s Guide but let’s be honest—it’s not gonna happen. I don’t have the talent, determination, or attention to complete such a task. Even if I could write something brilliant (I could), I’d be terrible at pitching the idea. I’d imagine it would go something like this:
Bigwig: Ok, let’s hear some of your ideas.
Me: Ok…during the Great Depression—
Me: Secret agent sea puppies are—
Me: The president…
Me: …of Nova Scotia—
Me: Ok, okay. Picture this: Two years in the future—
Bigwig: You know, I think we’re good.
But I still feel like I’m supposed to do something bigger than…this; bigger than blogging or writing for a terrible sports website or putting sarcastic, slightly racist comments on YouTube videos. But I don’t know where to go from here…and that YouTube comment was a homograph for the sake of comedy and it’s your fault if you thought the racist thought.
I’m unproven beyond that, to others and myself. I’m just the guy with the blog on the internet that he checks while waiting for others to finish their talking part of the conversation. I realize that you have to work hard and try for the things you want, but I can’t figure out how to do that without putting any more energy into it. After I wake up, go to work, and come home and eat dinner, I don’t have the mental energy to be creative. Maybe if I didn’t have a job I would have the time/head space. Although then I would probably be stressing too much over trying to find WiFi while being homeless to be able to make anything anyway. It’s a double-edged sword, this life thing.
And it all comes down to money. It amazes me how much time I spend at my job working so that I can afford to have a place to sleep while I’m not working. Without money issues, we would all be free to do the things we love. What would you do if you didn’t have to worry about money? I would probably be doing the same thing I am now because, honestly, when it all comes down to it, finances are nothing but an excuse to hide the terrible fact that I don’t have a real answer to the question I just asked.